蓝色心情

从小就知道自己是个极度情绪化的人，前一秒还很高兴，后一秒遇到不开心的事可以直接一百八十度大转弯。没太多心机，喜怒哀乐都写在脸上，很少有装B死撑着的时候，也很少有机会遇到非要死撑的情形。

已经好久没有这么持续的blue了，我在办公室多少个小时，我就blue多少个小时，回到家，只要开着公司的电脑，我就继续blue。我向来知道我是典型的theory X，只是不知道严重到什么程度。虽然读书的时候我也不爱读书，可好歹都能咬咬牙坚持，倒也不见得痛苦到面目狰狞。（高中数学咱就别提了，那个是属于外星人的，咱地球人不在讨论之列）可是说到工作，part-time我做过不计其数，full-time的乱七八糟的工作也做过不少，虽然没有遇到会让我非常兴高采烈今天还没下班就期待明天上班的，可至少不会有这种持续的蓝色心情。

有朋友说，怎么我变了一个人？以前那个爱说爱笑的麻雀怎么像被人拔了毛似的？不光她怀念，我自己也怀念。是啊，我承认我是秃了，毛都贡献给资本家了，这年头，不光鸭毛鹅毛能卖钱，麻雀毛人家也照收不误。为了几个花生豆，贴上了时间，自由和快乐，很难说这样的取舍是否值得，但是为了生存，我们不得不做出一些违心的选择。我突然间非常痛恨所谓的flexibility，这意味着你走到哪儿，工作就跟到哪儿，你完全没有自己的空间，工作恨不得跟着你一起上厕所洗澡睡觉。我想要逃，跟自己的私人空间一起逃离到一个没人知道的地方，彻底的放空，卸下精神的枷锁，虽然只是暂时的也好。

小时候都以为自己能拯救世界，长大了才发现原来全世界都拯救不了自己。幸好，当太阳被乌云遮住的时候，还有你，为我点着一支蜡烛，微微的光虽然照不亮整个世界，但是足以温暖我心中那一片小小的未被侵蚀的地方。你让蓝色的心情不再蓝得那么单调沉闷，至少也要像坦桑蓝一样，散发着蓝中透紫的神秘色彩。我要很真诚地跟你说声谢谢，世上没有任何人是理所应当地为别人付出的，背后都有一个缘由，而我，当然知道这个缘由，一切尽在不言中吧...

我的一千零一个愿望

我从古至今向上帝祈求过很多东西，都不是妄求的东西，所以我几乎得到了所有我想要的，只是除了一件，祈求了N久都还没结果的，那就是我的痘痘。

我是一个不抽烟不喝酒的乖孩子，不吃油炸食品，不熬夜，每天喝很多水，吃很多蔬菜和水果，也没便秘的烦恼，可是请问为什么，我还是会长痘痘？记得去年回家动手术的时候，手术医生直接问我是不是长跑运动员，我问她为什么会这么问，她的回答是：因为有痘痘，说明雄性激素多，适合做运动员。我姑且把这当成是赞美的话来自我安慰一下吧。老实说，就连中医也没说出个原因来到底是为什么，虽然我吃了中药很管用，反正一句话，是内部的因素，顺带跟马来西亚的天气也有关（每次从国内回来的第二天就开始狂长）。

这是一个伴随我多年的烦恼，我的青春都快全部逝去了，可青春痘却丝毫没有减退的迹象，反而随着工作的压力而变本加厉了。我不知道pray for没有痘痘算不算“妄求”，在读ACCA的时候，我自我安慰说，上帝给我痘痘，是为了让我少一些“苍蝇”的烦恼，可老实说，“苍蝇”也没少到哪里去。现在我已经毕业了，需要靠着这张脸来找老公了，可是为什么痘痘还不走呢？这件事情的确让人很frustrated，特别是我很在意某些人对我的看法的时候，这种沮丧真的是把我淹没了。通常情况下，我是不会想到这个烦恼的，照样过我的大条神经的生活。可是当伤口一旦被人触碰到，我就觉得很痛，不知道可以用怎样的方式来排遣这样子的抑郁。No，越抑郁痘痘就越猖狂，让我一头撞在豆腐上死了算了。

我已经很毅然决然的把这件事情写在了我的2012resolution里面，今年之内我一定要解决掉这个问题。工作呀，请你不要给我那么大的压力吧。内分泌呀，请你乖乖的不要失调吧。大姨妈呀，请你准时来准时走不出任何问题吧，我的这张没地方放的老脸就全指望你们了。卖锅的，希望你能满足我这一千零一个的唯一愿望...

第一次怀念学生时代

距离我正式毕业，已经5个月过去了，然而真正开始上班的日子只有不到两个月，在今天，我生平第一次由衷的体会到了怀念学生时代的感觉。

我的工作性质很特别，星期五上半天班，但是周末需要在家自己做报告，拉长补短的还是给你休息两天，可前提是你可以只用半天的时间就做完报告，要不然就会跟我一样的下场。作为年纪最大的应届毕业生，再加上是外国人，再加上是超级像本地人的外国人，我不知道自己是该哭还是该笑。我从来没想过工作其实会那么痛苦，以前读书的时候虽然我的balance sheet也从来不balance，cashflow也从来不tally，可我的ACCA却是一路绿灯高挂，丝毫没有问题，而我也不以为耻反以为荣的自称是“从来不平衡的会计师”。可是，工作是现实的，工作要求你的报告一定要平衡，差额也要差在可承受范围之内。而我这种动辄差个几百万美金的，我自己也知道我会死得很惨。

我从昨天晚上7点开始，认真的端正的坐在桌子前面，比临考复习还要严肃，那该死的东西让我熬到三点半，最终因为实在无望而放弃。而今天早上起来，我毅然决然的放弃了我的马来西亚网球公开赛决赛。像我这么贪玩的人，叫我放弃娱乐项目简直是拿我的小命。我从来没这么绝望过，真的是百分之百的确定，这个东西是在我能力范围之外的，今天又苦战了一个白天，直到后来有了想吐的感觉。我就算今天做不出来会怎样？明天会死么？世界末日就到了么？？？

我不禁回想起学生时代的我，不管大考当前还是怎样，歌照唱，舞照跳，照常到处吃到处玩到处跑。一边打打工赚两个零花，一边翘脚翻几页书，每周按时去保龄球馆ktv房报到，每个学期也照例的pass。外人看来，我是完全无烦恼，也不需要烦什么。那时候我就在想，如果可以一辈子都这样就好了，我没有概念我会多么的想念那段美好的时光，想想每天睡到自然醒，每天抓脑袋看要去哪里找吃的找玩的。人家在办公室里憋着的时候，我到处活蹦乱跳，从最开始的有人监督的情况下，每周出去玩一天，到后来没人监督的时候，每周可能只有一个整天是乖乖在家的，我的自由可以说是被发挥到了极致。可是要知道，野孩子也不可能野一辈子，虽然内心是无比的想逃离，可是迫于无奈，生活给了我们太多的无奈，是由不得我们选择的。只能让我在连续工作7天之后，用最后这个晚上，摸摸自己的电脑，让自己不再有工作的感觉，写点牢骚，无病呻吟几句。

昨日之日我想留，今日之日多烦忧！

Legends are leaving us, one by one

It was an ordinary Sunday yesterday and I was going to have my regular activity with friends---our karaoke session. While I was browsing through news before leaving home, something popped out and caught my eyes, Whitney Houston passed away in Beverly Hilton Hotel in LA! There was no reason given and she is only 48 years old.

It took me quite some time to digest what this news really meant. Is it that Whitney who deeply touched our hearts by her all time legend ? I don't think I need any explanation on how famous that song is coz even my mum who does not speak a single word of English is familiar with the rhythm. After I show her the MV, she recognized Whitney immediately although she can't pronounce her name. Shame on somebody who does not know who Whitney Houston is yet still dares to claim that he knows more English songs than me. Honestly speaking I have not encountered any Chinese who knows more English songs than me. As they accompanied me through the years during my childhood and a freak like me seldom listened to any Chinese pop songs before 2001.

The movie is already 20 years old, so is . 20 years just passed through our fingers like nobody's business.Fast forward to 1998, which is from the OST of the movie ,I only got to know it in 2000, from the magazine if I'm not mistaken. It accompanied me through the hardship of my father's leaving and the cruel high school entry exam. While every teacher in my Junior high was telling me that I could not make it for CQ No.1 Middle School, this song gave me enough courage at that crucial point of time while nobody was there for me.The only thing I could rely on is my own faith and belief. I believed in myself and miracles did happen. That was for the first time,I got to know the power of faith.

The falling of another super star, it taught us a few lessons. For women,marriage is like a reborn. What kind of 2nd life are you gonna have is fully dependent on what kind of people you marry. Whitney married an ass and she was deeply in love with the ass which resulted in her tragedy today.I really feel sorry for her, it's a huge loss for us human beings as we really don't have so many wonderful vocals around us.Her death made me feel quite emotional, no less than MJ's. As a person who loves to reminisce, I'd always write some grumbles after some issues struck my heart strings.Whitney, we will always love you.

To all my dear readers,i'm just grumbling,no offence. By the way, happy Valentine's day to all, whether you are single or in a sweet relationship, that does not matter. As long as you love yourself, everyday is a Valentine's day!

我的纪念日

今天是我自己的纪念日，没有人知道，没有庆祝，看似平凡的日子，却是我自己人生的一大里程碑和转折点。回首往事总是让我毛骨悚然，时间真的过得太快了！抗日战争都打出来了，我呢？
明天，将是我的第一仗，希望我能发挥出水平，把它打得漂亮！随时提醒自己，身边的酸性人物很多，“敌人亡我之心不死”，要提高警惕睁大眼睛分辨是非黑白。如果一些人的嘴巴里非要说出负面的话，我虽然没有权利叫他闭嘴，但是我有权利选择不听！静静的，听上帝的训导，更多的和祂交流沟通，保持灵魂的平静，坦然的面对一切，上帝爱我，加油！

Audit express workshop失意，k歌房得意！

在久违了课堂将近4个月之后，今天起了个大早，重返母校，参加为期一天的audit express workshop。原本是兴致勃勃，满心欢喜，可是才开始了几分钟，我就已经觉得超级不爽了。

为什么呢？原因好多个，其一，老师的投影仪与电脑的接口有问题，一直黑屏，屏幕闪一闪的我就差没唱《小星星》。 其二，老师之一是个马来婆，该马来婆的口音特别特别难听，英文烂不说，用词又不准确，还一直结巴，而且还经常犯无心的口误，再加上讲课无条理，东一下西一下，搞得我晕头转向。我从来没有像今天这样这么讨厌一个人的英文，今天不知道是我自己心情的问题还是因为太久没上课不适应了，反正要有多不爽就有多不爽。其三，这该死的软件里面要用到很多double entry的知识，了解我的人都知道，本小姐虽然是ACCA affiliate，可是double entry说有多烂就有多烂。高级的consolidation我都会做，可是会偏偏栽在最基础的double entry上，这一切都归咎于我不是会计出身的，而且我的会计学老师是用一套自己的方法，完全没有涉及到double entry，于是今天我就当了一次睁眼瞎。而且那该死的马来婆居然还叫我来回答问题，我真是&%##￥%…*&！！！

几个月没有好好集中精神学东西，感觉脑袋锈掉了，很多知识都是似曾相识，颇有它认识我我不认识它的感觉。我突然有点害怕，我真的是designed for high level job的吗？最基本的account clerk做的东西我都不会！郁闷了一整天，心想下个星期六要怎么去考试，想到都烦，又有了当初读ACCA的时候的郁闷感。心情本来都不好了，回到家跟苏打绿诉苦，说我好想要他电脑知识的十分之一。结果该死的家伙把我好一个数落，说我这样是因为专业知识不过关，跟电脑水平差完全没关系，还说我这样的学习态度有问题，说得够透彻够露骨，我简直就是在数九寒冬里被一桶冷水从头淋到脚了！我想赌气，不吃晚饭，可是我的胃又直说no，这个emo得不是一般哪！哪里还有心情准备要过中秋佳节呢？

于是，我决定了，要在本星期之内第二次去唱k！（第三次将会是后天晚上，汗。。。）感谢牵牛花先生的友情演出，不过今晚我将负责打酱油和做俯卧撑，顺便偶尔伴唱一下，打算好好享受牵牛花先生的演唱会！失意了，总是需要换一个舞台来得意一下的嘛，恩！！！

A Long Due Post

The past 1 month slip between my fingers with nobody's notice. Plenty of things happened: I had my 2nd backpack trip alone to Bangkok; I went back home for 3 weeks; I had an operation for the first time in life; I'm back in KL again overnight and transformed to a "Malaysian style me" compared to the "Chinese style".

Wanted to scribble something long ago, however due to various reasons, time, energy, the prohibition of accessing blogspot in China, all kinds of excuses. Waited until all the eagerly pouring feelings are gone, yet memories still enshrines.For a complicated mixture of sensitive and sensible creature like me, although sensitivity has taken up a major part, the remaining pathetic sense still can guide me to make sensible decisions.

It's a bit hard to recall every details in those days, but I do know is that I've experienced,learned many tiny things which may not raise your attention. My 2nd sweet escape feels as good as first one, but I've learnt something fresh, that is, there really can be 2 drifters off to see the world together. I've met a living example: a sweet couple from Taiwan who have been together for 23 years and now they still seem like they are enjoying honeymoon.Maybe I'm asking too much again. God allows us to pray,but not for something that is too over. I don't know whether my prayer is too extreme, no matter what I still consider it as moderate.

Finally,I've visited Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand which is the typical first overseas tour that a Chinese would select.I had the urge to write a comparison between the 3 capital cities in SEA. Unwillingly but no choice, from many aspects, KL ranks the bottom.If anybody is unconvinced, a detailed analysis can be performed upon requirement.

Suddenly wonder how important is the social network to us? I didn't log on to my facebook for 3 weeks and I was like a person in dessert craving for a drop of rainfall. How much on earth does it affect our life? Maybe we are just enjoying other people's attention and uploading snapshots everywhere on our mobile phones. I've never calculated how much time I spent on it, don't dare to do so as well. I had to admit, modern science is really addictive. Ask those who just bought an ipad 2 then you will know what I'm talking about.

Well just realised insofar I'm just mumbling the words that only I can understand. It's all right, my birthday is just around the corner. I'm sure I'll have mood to do a proper post after that.

浮躁

离大考还有不到一个星期，我被迫憋在家里长蘑菇，虽然人是在家，但是心却不知道飞去哪儿了。每天爬起来坐在书桌前，东摸摸西搞搞，时间转眼就过去了，看了不少东西，但不知道能记得多少。貌似都是翻书全然，关书茫然，一切都取决于我考场上的bullsh*t能力吧。都这个时候了，我也就抱着多记一点算一点的心态，看等到考试的时候，这些一点一点积累起来有没有到50分吧。如果最后一战没有成功，那么只能证明一点：我这三年是失败的，虽然一仗一仗的打得都很成功，但是归根结底，学的东西不扎实，通过不了质量检验，坚决不准出厂！

书还没读出来，毛病一大堆，腰酸背痛腿抽筋好像样样俱全，都是拜读书所赐。是谁曾经说的“万般皆下品，唯有读书高”来着？我真想知道如果命都没了，读书能高到哪儿去。又遇到了跟七年前类似的故事，有人太看得起我，非要把我这条泥鳅扯成鳝鱼那么长。她真的是没动脑子哦？还是被糊涂油蒙了心？典型的self interest严重超标！

拿到我的新电脑快两个星期了，它真是让人喜忧参半。喜的是我从自行车一下子升级到了小轿车，忧的是它太高级了，以至于整天有事没事的都欺负我。而且欺负完了之后还不是那么容易就可以搞得定它，这真让我真的发毒誓，如果以后我有孩子的话，我一定要让他/她学IT，看你再敢欺负我？哼！咱不求人！

考试完了有一个很繁忙很充实的行程在等着我，加油吧！上帝保佑！

May 2011

2 weeks "no laptop time" has passed without my notice. I guess thanks to my not-so-smart yet definately not stupid SE phone.

Well its the first day of May,people are celebrating their holidays worldwide. Its a long weekend as well but thats not the point I want to bring in.What does May mean to an ACCA student? Its our intensive revision time and exam is just around the corner. But this round it is very special for me,May 2011,it will be my last month of fulltime student sweet time in my entire life! Wow,that sounds a bit serious,coz as usual,what we cherish the most is actually what we can't have. I told myself million times that I gotta really catch this last chance to enjoy.

However,there is something else that I need to consider,it's my last 2 papers this round,will I die or survive?Among all the candidates I know,only 2 managed to clear all papers without a single failure. That's a very scary percentage. I am scratching my head trying to figure out how possible it is for me to become the 3rd one. The opportunity cost of such failure that I have to bear is simply just too high: 6 months salary plus tuition fee and exam fee. Out of curiosity,i divided it by 30 to see how much each day costs. And the result is really stunning...

Pity me as a foreigner in Malaysia,i have no choice because the local big4 firms cant recruit me due to government policy. I have to find my own way out,no choice. Cruel but thats the way it is...FIGHTO!

May 2011,month of GOLD...

I miss my laptop!

Its been 24 hrs since my 7 years old laptop went into "coma". I feel like millions ants are biting my ass,I could hardly sit properly. My table seems too empty without the 14' inch thing. Everything is just so inconveniet. Now I am forced to use my "not a smart" phone to grumble. Finally there is once that I feel like a touch screen freaky phone is useful in the absence of a laptop. A tiny little keypad plus a crappy wifi connection really makes me wanna throw it out of my window.(but then I wont be able to grumble anymore)
Can we survive without a laptop? I dont know. I just automatically wanna turn it on after I reach home and drown myself in the endless radiation. Still, a stupid phone cannot fully replace a laptop. I have never tried tablet before,dont dare to comment much. Just pray hard that my laptop in the ICU still can be cured. God bless...

当未来变成现在

时钟在日月不停的滴嗒着，我们每天都在看时间，但是很少会想，每一分钟每一小时的过去意味着什么。朋友说：转眼之间，我们曾经所谓的未来都变成了眼前的每一个现在，是不是我们老了？关于“老”这个字眼，我很少提及，因为我从来不觉得自己“老”。虽然自从开始读ACCA之后每天是混在一群比自己小的孩子当中，但我把自己的心态调整得跟他们一样，所以我觉得我forever 21，从来没有去想，2字头已经去了一半了，是不是该考虑找个人嫁了？（哇，好可怕(⊙o⊙)，不能有这样的念头！）

周末上了一次云顶，在快两年没去过山顶之后，再次去吹风。晚上一群人在ktv包厢里发疯，该唱的唱该跳的跳该喝的喝该倒的倒。老样子，我还是滴酒不沾，唯一不同的是，以前疯到早上都没事的我，现在到半夜好像就有些力不从心了。半夜3点多睡觉，第二天10点多起床，整个脑袋都要爆了的感觉，眼睛需要火柴棍来撑开，要不是山顶的冷风，我看我走路都是头朝地的。第二天晚上9点就像尸体一般爬上床了，直到第二天9点才睁眼，可是让人费解的是12个小时的睡眠过后，我还是像尸体一样。用一瓶可乐让自己强打起精神，眼睛是睁开了，不过心里的谜题没解开。难道真的是身体在给我讯号提醒我现在的我已经不是当初的我了？

看着周围比我小四五岁的人，我觉得自己跟他们的区别不光是在那个数字上，很多思想观念，很多生活经历，对事物的看法都不一样。真的是三年一代啊，代沟很明显！可是他们的优势是时间，撞了墙壁可以回头，一句话，还经得起折腾！我觉得我的一把老骨头可能折腾不起了，虽然在YC跟SG的眼里我还是很嫩， 继续我的slogan，forever 21! Blek~

Waiting is torturing

This is not my first time to waffle on my blog on the exam result day, the only difference is this year I haven't got my result yet until now. I've been waiting for the stup*d email for 3 hours and it never comes. The lame ACCA website is down due to overload. My phone keeps on ringing, everybody is asking me how it is yet I couldn't give them an answer! Hearing about friends' success and failure while waiting for my own destiny in the dark is seriously not fun.

My initial plan is, after getting result at 1pm, either happy or sad for 1 hour, then go to MCO to book my revision class seat and probably have a feast for dinner, either to reward myself or to release tension. However, since a few days back, my luck was not with me: I was locked in the sitting room and it costs me quite a fortune, my house internet broke down just one night before my result is released. I don't know what do all these augur. Just pray hard for the best!

I'm looking forward to my reward which is a backpacking trip to either Bangkok/Ho Chi Minh City/Phuket and today is the last day of the promotion. If I can't get the result by today then the whole thing is gone. God bless, I know you love me!

欲哭无泪的元宵节

今天是正月十五，元宵节，又是跟家人团聚的日子，我又再次没得团聚，没得团聚是小，但是今天发生了一件超级倒霉的事，我担心了无数次的状况终于出现了---我把钥匙锁在了房间里！

家里空空如也就我一个人，穿着熨得笔直的衬衫和西装裙，拿着我的OL包，傻傻的望着墙壁，不知道该怎么办。室友全部都在很远的地方，不可能及时赶回来救我；学校今天是第一堂课，几十个学生已经坐在教室里了，老师是唯一一个不能翘课的。老王叫了一个开锁匠飞车来我家救我，20分钟之后，人是来了，带着工具，第一句话就是：开一个锁90块。我听到差点没晕过去，但是我大脑已经丧失了思考的功能，没办法，只能默许。他三下五除二就搞定了我家的大门两个锁和我房间的锁，会算术的人都知道3*90=270。是的，就这么杯具的，270块长翅膀飞走了。

不幸中的万幸是，开锁匠开车送了我一程去学校，顺便去取钱给他，270块，你真的是要我的命，多少节课的辛苦就这么去了，瞬间化为乌有。这个时候才真正知道什么是“挣钱犹如针挑土，花钱犹如水推沙”。到了学校，我迟到20分钟，在跟学生们解释了理由之后，大家都对我深表同情，也是真的只要稍微跟我“通感”一下都会知道我有多郁闷，虽然我是一直在苦笑着诉说这一切，但苦笑是因为哭不出来。。。

打电话给老妖精诉苦，好像很久没跟她诉苦过了，不知道是因为没什么苦还是我已经习惯了。突然之间觉得有点累，面临21号巨大的压力，一个人默默承受，不管是怎样的结果，这一切都得要继续。真的希望6月能给这种生活画上一个句号，好像走了太久，有些厌倦了，不是厌倦沿途的风景，而是厌倦没有尽头没有终点的迷茫。一个人的生活可以过得糊里糊涂，有时忙碌有时懒散，有时随心所欲。但是老妖精今天说，我表哥最近很忙，晚上1,2点才回家，他老妈竟然还为他守门，熬鸡汤给他补身体。我说我在这里半夜3点不睡觉也没见鸡汤在哪里，习惯了这种凡事都“自己保重”的生活，不知道这叫所谓的独立还是叫可怜的孩子没人管，算了不想去想这些。

羡慕那些有家人在身边的孩子，但是又不愿舍弃这自由飘荡的生活，我自作孽，活该！

God bless the people in China

During my stint in Malaysia, I travel back home almost every year. Each trip would teach me some lessons in different perspectives. I was back in KL last week from a short visit to celebrate my grandpa's 90th birthday. I had a shock in my life during the 7 days back home, the CPI in China is so freaking high!!!

I have no idea how many rich people exist out there, but I couldn't help pondering how big is the percentage among the population. Let's not mention the hiking real property price which is obviously just a big bubble and I'm waiting for the day it bursts. Normal daily consuming products are so expensive that makes you really want to suicide with the level of income you earn. Here I'm gonna show you some examples:

Story1:

My friend in KL asked me to check out the price of honeysuckle(金银花) for her as it's sold at RM 80/kg in KL. She said it's originated from China therefore the price should be lower there. So I went to supermarket to ask about it. To my surprise, the assistant told me RMB 22 per 50g which literally means RMB 440/kg. I thought something was wrong with my ears so I scrutinized the price tag carefully, yep, it's written there clearly, no mistake. I took a photo of the price tag as evidence that the people in China are suffering in hell as the tiny little flower used to make tea would cost such a fortune.

Story2:

I was doing grocery shopping with mum in Carrefour, passing by the fruits counter, bearing the risk of getting another heart-attack, I took a glimpse at the price again. OMFG! Guess what, banana, pisang in Bahasa, it's the cheapest fruit here as everybody can afford to eat fried banana pisang goreng everyday. However, down there, it's selling at RMB27++ for a bunch! I bet that's the reason why people don't eat pisang goreng there.

Story3, Miscellaneous

McDonald Mcflurry ice-cream: RMB 10

Wasabi green pea: RMB 89 (this is really ridiculous)

Seafood buffet (with the fried kuey teow size of prawn): RMB 170++

Starfucks: RMB 40++

Fruit juice at small stalls: RMB 28++

Milk powder/tin: RMB 300++

Short-sleeve no brand T-shirt: RMB 400++

Hairtail fish: RMB 60++

Egg: RMB 16/kg (means RMB 1++ per piece)

...

the list goes on

Housing price, this one you'd better not see, it's hazardous, bad for your eyes. For many areas, the price for 1 square metre has exceeded RMB 10000. I wonder how many people can afford them yet the real property market is still so hot, it seems like everybody is buying. Is there any element of speculation? Who are the real buyers behind? I don't know and I don't want to know.

Malaysia is paradise, people here, please stop complaining and cherish what you have.

May God bless those in China, Amen!

My "last words"

Tomorrow is my first exam of ACCA June 2010 sitting, and, it's the most screwed up paper---Audit. I'm here to leave my "last words" before I go to hell tomorrow.

This is the first time that I spend the day before exam at home. Omg, I didn't notice that I've become a good girl =p There is something that has tamed me to certain extend. I must save all my energy for the up-coming holiday! Woohoo!....although still need to work, with a different mood cheers me up! Imagining itself already makes me can hardly close my mouth. Plenty of awaiting events and loads of fun! I'm gonna be back to reality, which feels good...

I promised Ah Jie to hunt the "tiger" and give her the fur as carpet. I will do my best. In the unfortunate event that I'm eaten up by it, save your sorrows and just wish me rest in peace.

God bless us all! =)

逃...

我想要逃,逃离现在的生活,逃离现实,我想要躲在我自己乌托邦的世界里继续我的幻想.我不想长大,我不想上班,我不想读书,不想面对各种稀奇古怪的人和事,不想强迫我自己,但是生活却随时随地在强迫我们.每天一成不变的两点一线让我感到窒息,茫然,惶惑,恐慌.再加上拜某人所赐,在我空白到刺眼的生活中加入了一团团的黑墨,可惜他没有艺术天分,不能创作出一幅水墨山水画.

一个大衰神加上四面墙壁,把我淹没于无奈中,思绪如波涛汹涌,但真正提笔时,却不知该如何将感觉文字化,死钻在牛角尖里不肯出来,自讨没趣.下定决心,我要逃,就算只是两天都好,至少可以让我在被掐死之前呼吸一口新鲜空气,不管它可以持续多久,不管未来有多远,不想让心情让现实打败.

寂寞的逃亡

Down

Thought it should be a wonderful day today as I "pray hard" enough last night for our long due dinner. Although didn't hear from you until afternoon, I was filled with faith that I'm sure we're able to make it. Receiving the good news really made me fly, and brought the whole world to fly together with me.

With Ah Jie's fully support, I escaped 1 hour earlier than usual. Figuring out what's for dinner on my way out coz I've been staying at the same place eating the same food for God knows how many days. Repetitiveness made me choke. I guess from time to time, I do need a refreshment. However things didn't go on as I expected (which is normal), you texted again, saying dinner is cancelled due to some other stupid fella held you for work. I suddenly fell from heaven to hell, got up from the seat at the bus stop, for a second I felt lost, luckily the bus hasn't come yet. For the very first time, if my memory is still functioning well, it's your first time to say "sorry" to me. I didn't blame you,as I totally understand it's got nothing to do with you, just that I felt very down...

Is it everybody who involved with that particular kind of job is so freaking asshole? I really needed to escape for a while, the boredsome and non-stop weird dreams made me suffocated, so I decided to chill alone.

Are we gonna live like dogs for the rest of our life?

人生在世，死无全尸

不觉在世已及花信之年， 回首总角之乐，并无大喜大忧，懵懂而过，欲敝其苦惜其甘而不能。志学之年又因年少轻狂，日沉溺于己之梦呓，荒已。余虽言无憾，然悔之晚矣。

惊闻花之现状，百感交集。忆同学少年时共度之悲，恍然若现。君之殇乃路人所不能解，余观足下之恸，力不从心，无奈受迫，苟且偷生，直至今日，乃有幸为己所欲，羡煞旁人矣。

或笑吾痴，议吾癫，是曰：幸得以行世间一遭，如不能梦，至回归之日，遗憾千古哉！

Emotional

I've been very emotional recently, showing my characteristics as a Cancerian. Frustrated about studies, neither failure nor success cheers me up; tangled on some matters, sensitive about any little ripple, at the same time scared of over-acting to hurt people and myself. My hot temper is emerging, unsatisfied with myself and everything around me, have no idea what I can do to fix it, instead, I'm only like an ant on a hot pan, full of anxiety.

I'm just too eager to figure out something due to lack of confidence and my blindness of being involved inside this matter. I need a sign, an indication, to tell me what to do. I can't even see the situation clearly by myself, overwhelmed by my stupid emotions. Feels like I'm going to be devoured by a blackhole or something. It sucks me in, I'm falling, like dropping inside a whirlpool. Turns around and around, it seems I'm moving however never will I reach the end as there is no end...

Study is like sailing on Pacific Ocean without a compas. No direction, no aim, no captain, no sailor, no steering steel...sounds scary, but this is exactly how I feel now. Again, the word "feel", I'm being emotional again. I'm only sure about one thing, frustrations never end...

Randomness on Friday

It's just a normal Friday afternoon, at school alone, quiet as usual coz the chaos only starts from 6pm onwards. I don't have the "Thank God It's Friday" feeling as I still need to work tomorrow and pathetically, on Sunday as well. Get up as early as the weekdays and the only difference is I can go back earlier and have some free time for a dinner appointment or some personal entertainment.

Back to KL already 3 weeks but I have only met up with 2 friends so far. I fully contributed my time and energy to my beloved college and did it willingly. Time goes on and on, life goes on and on. Although exhausted from time to time, the majority memories are cheerful. Might feel disgusted at some idiots occasionally, I still managed to keep a peaceful mindset despite the assignments do make me fed up. Let's see how patient I am and estimate the count down to the eruption of the volcano. I tried my best to ignore, however I formed the good habit of loathing bad teachers since my early stages at school. And the accumulation of it results in the "flying red"colours in my maths exams many years later. I do curse those nuts!

Party girl is gonna chill on Sunday! Hooray!