碎碎念

又一个星期在眨眼之间飞过,还是每天马不停蹄的生活,上课上班吃饭睡觉,虽忙碌但却很充实. 这个星期我需要好好的自我检讨, 思想异常浮躁(虽然我已经浮躁了很多年), 颇有"雨不停,心不定"的感觉.压力大是固然的,我不知道自己的受重能力有多强,但是骨头里的懒虫子好像又有抬头的迹象.

她,勇敢镇定坚强不屈,一人独自挑起生活的重担,面对困难毫不退缩,尽自己的微薄之力帮助家里减轻负担,熬过了这么多个年头,但却无怨无悔. 我会很心疼她, 同时也很佩服, 佩服她如野草一般的坚韧不拔. 我也不是温室里的小花,我没有任何借口埋怨眼前的幸福生活,知足长乐.

他,比我还年轻,但是却那么上进,一直坚持不懈的自我提升,并没有因为自己天资聪颖而有丝毫懈怠,凡事考虑周到,有责任感又懂事的孩子,那份认真很让人感动.

她,凡事求知求真,学习上非要打破砂锅问到底,这是我从来没有过的精神,人家可以因为一个小问题而研究三天三夜,我什么时候才能有这份钻研的执着?

他,身为家里的长子,家庭在他心目中有着无可比拟的地位,远在他乡,对家里的关怀和挂念,在他坚定的眼神中表露无疑.你即将离开,我会为你默默祈祷,愿你一切都好,希望早日再重逢.

她,怀着一颗少女纯真的心,默默的为某个人付出着真情,这么多年来,那种苦楚是外人无法体会的.羡慕她的执着和热情,同时也怀念自己当初可爱的鲁莽和那些澎湃的思绪. 人老了,好像反而觉得越来越懦弱,越来越麻木.

看到身边这些人,再想到自己,真是自惭形秽,不应该啊不应该,我有一千一万个不应该.要好好珍惜眼前的生活,珍惜一切学习的机会,珍惜现在的充实,不要再给自己找借口开绿灯了,我总是对自己太好...

Randomness on Friday

It's just a normal Friday afternoon, at school alone, quiet as usual coz the chaos only starts from 6pm onwards. I don't have the "Thank God It's Friday" feeling as I still need to work tomorrow and pathetically, on Sunday as well. Get up as early as the weekdays and the only difference is I can go back earlier and have some free time for a dinner appointment or some personal entertainment.

Back to KL already 3 weeks but I have only met up with 2 friends so far. I fully contributed my time and energy to my beloved college and did it willingly. Time goes on and on, life goes on and on. Although exhausted from time to time, the majority memories are cheerful. Might feel disgusted at some idiots occasionally, I still managed to keep a peaceful mindset despite the assignments do make me fed up. Let's see how patient I am and estimate the count down to the eruption of the volcano. I tried my best to ignore, however I formed the good habit of loathing bad teachers since my early stages at school. And the accumulation of it results in the "flying red"colours in my maths exams many years later. I do curse those nuts!

Party girl is gonna chill on Sunday! Hooray!

十年

最近很不爽,该死的F8和P1给了我不少麻烦。老师很怕输怕死，每堂课都布置作业，而且一布置就是15道题！学的东西又是半桶水，不清不楚的还要叫我做题？但是没得选，班上一共不到10个人，你不交就等于是秃子头上的虱子---明摆着的嘛。不过好像本小姐从小学开始就养成了不交作业的好习惯，这么多年以来的懒骨头，不知道还有没有救。

昨天晚上突然很想哭，差不多一年以来的第一次，莫名的，不知道是因为功课的压力还是什么，只是感觉有点累。有人说我是loser，我毫不犹豫的承认，是啊，我算老几？一无所有的loser。但是突然回想到十年前，父亲刚刚去世的时候，我在作文中写道：“大石拦路，弱者把它当成前进的障碍，强者把它当成前进的阶梯。”语文老师在后面点评说：“你，一个14岁的小女孩，却让我知道了什么叫坚强，努力吧，相信你的未来会无比光明。”我永远记得那行字，几乎成为了我心中的灯塔，但是2年后我就已经愧对了那行字。

这次回家的时候，和朋友谈到高中时候的故事，王山而用非常少有的一本正经的语气对我说：亲爱的，你是因为那时候放弃了呀，如果不是的话。。。我突然心里痛了一下，再次被人提醒，我是一个逃兵。那句“如果不是的话”后面我可以接上很多不同的可能性，或许我会读梦寐以求的厦大，或许是北语的小语种，或许我现在已经成为对外汉语教师，或许啊或许。。。或许我不会是今天的loser。。。

事到如今，我已经没有退路，不管前面有刀山火海，我也只有硬着头皮上了，这是我自找的，我活该。。。

New semester, new paper, new challenge

After having a 2-week holiday back home, now everything has returned to normal. I'm back to KL, back to school and back to work.

The first week has passed in the blink of eyes. I'm brave enough this round, taking 3 papers, F8,9&P1. Don't know why, maybe because I banged my head on the wall and it made me dumb so that i dare to take these 3 killing papers at the same time. Don't know don't care, just try it out, it must be fun, to maltreat myself which I never done before. I've always been too kind to myself and that results in the lazy bones I'm having today.

Sometimes I miss the time spent at home, I don't need to worry about anything, when I'm hungry, there's always food, no need to do the laundry, cleaning job, grocery shopping etc which seem like minor issues but actually make a very big part in daily life, and, it's time consuming. Now I got headache again, about what to eat everyday. :'( Definately mum's gonna laugh at me if she sees this, but luckily she never will. I'm sure she will say:"You deserve it...lol".

After the first week of classes, I felt like I've chosen a chronic suicide. All of the stuff are brand new for me and outside of my knowledge scope. It's gonna be damn challenging, I don't know what the outcome is, all I know is, I gotta try, then I will die without any regret...