Yesterday, 22nd August 2011, is the day to be enshrined.I got my result for the final 2 papers of ACCA, I passed both, which literally means I graduated and I am ACCA affiliate now! Since then, my status has changed from a full-time student to be an auditor/accountant going-to-be.
I burst into tears when I saw the result. It was quite close to a howl which came from the bottom of my heart as I totally lost control. I could not remember when was the last time I cried, either because of my studies or my mum or any relationship issue. I've been holding back for so long, 3 years, I must admit I devoted a lot to ACCA although I still managed to enjoy life whenever I got chance. I guess I have never treated study so seriously in my 25 years life. But for something like ACCA, I really showed my commitment, I held its "hand" and said "I will" with no regrets.
That few minutes I spent wailing was the most unforgettable moment in life. I guess those two 58 marks means more than they look. The scene of July 2008 appeared again and it was so fresh and real just like yesterday.I was totally overwhelmed and I really drenched myself in the bitter sweet memories through the years. After I calmed down, then only I realised I should inform Nora about this good news which she has been waiting for years.
Nora was still in hospital and she appeared to be extremely calm. I asked her to give a guess on how the result is. And after I told her that I graduated in a unmindful tone, she said she knew I could do it, full of proud and confidence. I really thank God that I didn't let her down, or else I think I may kill myself for being such an unfilial daughter.
The ending of one phase is the starting point of another. After yesterday my personal goal has totally changed. I just started to hold the pen to write another page of my life. It's going to be a brand new world and a brand new me. I feel like I've grown up overnight, or I should say, forced to. Anyway, I'm quite look forward to what is waiting for me. Full of aspiration and ambition, just want to prove myself to the world.
Here I am, this is me, the rest is still unwritten...
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
寄生虫生活倒计时
今天不知怎么的，把博客换成了黑色，黑色从来都不是我的颜色，不是我的性格，但是可能此刻只有黑色才能表现出我的心情吧。中午跟朋友吃饭的时候，她不经意的提醒我，成绩还有不到一个礼拜就要发布了，我觉得好像一大桶冰水从头上倾盆而下。
下个星期一，如果pass了，就意味着我的寄生虫生活的终结，如果fail，也要看fail几科，我最讨厌这种在黑暗中盘算未来的感觉，而且未来还有多种可能性。每一种可能性都是充满了未知，跟我现在吃了睡睡了吃的寄生虫生活而言，真的是形成了鲜明的对比。
其实自己已经比好多人都幸福了，二字头过了一半了，还在当寄生虫。虽然当初有人说我是蛀虫的时候我很不屑，觉得他要么是羡慕，要么是嫉妒，要么是自己没那个读书的资质，想当寄生虫都当不了。可是如今，我感觉我自己真的是走到一个十字路口。面对未知，我有点彷徨，就像当初自己也清楚知道的，当ACCA这盏明灯熄灭的时候，可能还是有些迷惘的。
我没想到自己会因为这么一件事情而郁闷了一大半天，没什么心情，没什么食欲，当然的，也没什么激情。我自己也知道，这绝对不是一个即将踏入工作岗位的年轻人应有的状态。或许我真的需要强心针吧，现在在极度焦虑的情况下，懒散也是必然。
好好过我剩下5天的寄生虫生活，等到下个星期一，当一切揭晓的时候，不管结果怎么样，我都将会是另一个我！
下个星期一，如果pass了，就意味着我的寄生虫生活的终结，如果fail，也要看fail几科，我最讨厌这种在黑暗中盘算未来的感觉，而且未来还有多种可能性。每一种可能性都是充满了未知，跟我现在吃了睡睡了吃的寄生虫生活而言，真的是形成了鲜明的对比。
其实自己已经比好多人都幸福了，二字头过了一半了，还在当寄生虫。虽然当初有人说我是蛀虫的时候我很不屑，觉得他要么是羡慕，要么是嫉妒，要么是自己没那个读书的资质，想当寄生虫都当不了。可是如今，我感觉我自己真的是走到一个十字路口。面对未知，我有点彷徨，就像当初自己也清楚知道的，当ACCA这盏明灯熄灭的时候，可能还是有些迷惘的。
我没想到自己会因为这么一件事情而郁闷了一大半天，没什么心情，没什么食欲，当然的，也没什么激情。我自己也知道，这绝对不是一个即将踏入工作岗位的年轻人应有的状态。或许我真的需要强心针吧，现在在极度焦虑的情况下，懒散也是必然。
好好过我剩下5天的寄生虫生活，等到下个星期一，当一切揭晓的时候，不管结果怎么样，我都将会是另一个我！
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Random thoughts
Have been really busy enjoying my day-off recently. You won't believe if I tell you that my schedule is pretty packed while not attending any class at all. CEO is performing her job now, trying her best to entertain people and get entertained. It's not an easy job and so far I'm not tired of it yet as I still have the enthusiasm and energy.
However, an over frequently hanging-out life does cause some problems. Sometimes you can only calm down and meditate when you are alone and that's why most great people are lonely. I guess I have overlooked many things in life and it's very likely to make wrong decisions, if there is any.
I remembered I have talked to God about certain issues during my stint of ACCA studies. God was very supportive as he always is, he gave me everything I asked for. Now the end of my student life is just around the corner. Again, God keeps his words, and I believe things will only get more and more smooth. (Oh,fcuk,I deeply feel that my English has deteriorated since I finished my exam!) Suddenly feel a bit regret although I swear I'd never do so. I reckon I've been enjoying too much and wasted my precious time which should be utilised more wisely. The stack of unread SA magazine and the my current snail reading speed is the perfect evidence.
Now I've grown up, or I assume so. Many things we have to face it with sense rather than letting emotions to take control. But at the same time it means we have lost some boldness and thoughtless which should belong exclusively to youngsters, which literally means we are no longer young, unwillinglly, yet we have to admit.
A hell of mess is going on, a even bigger mess is yet to come, get ready and enjoy the thunder in the storm!
However, an over frequently hanging-out life does cause some problems. Sometimes you can only calm down and meditate when you are alone and that's why most great people are lonely. I guess I have overlooked many things in life and it's very likely to make wrong decisions, if there is any.
I remembered I have talked to God about certain issues during my stint of ACCA studies. God was very supportive as he always is, he gave me everything I asked for. Now the end of my student life is just around the corner. Again, God keeps his words, and I believe things will only get more and more smooth. (Oh,fcuk,I deeply feel that my English has deteriorated since I finished my exam!) Suddenly feel a bit regret although I swear I'd never do so. I reckon I've been enjoying too much and wasted my precious time which should be utilised more wisely. The stack of unread SA magazine and the my current snail reading speed is the perfect evidence.
Now I've grown up, or I assume so. Many things we have to face it with sense rather than letting emotions to take control. But at the same time it means we have lost some boldness and thoughtless which should belong exclusively to youngsters, which literally means we are no longer young, unwillinglly, yet we have to admit.
A hell of mess is going on, a even bigger mess is yet to come, get ready and enjoy the thunder in the storm!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
做人难，难做人，人难做
最近都在很无忧无虑的享受我所剩不多的最后的学生时代，跟朋友吃吃饭聊聊天，没事出去逛逛，或者在家追追TVB。忙碌多年之后，在即将踏入工作岗位的深渊之前，好不容易有了一点空闲的时间，尽情的享受那种什么都不去想，把一切放空的乐趣。
然而今天跟朋友聊到了一些东西，让我原本四大皆空的脑袋顿时思绪万千。人类从在母体里形成，到最后化成灰烬，那么说长不长，说短不短的几十年里面，我们会经历千万件大小不一的事情。可能当初在母体里的那个胚胎细胞根本无法料想到，自己未来的日子里面有多少酸甜苦辣在等着自己。我曾经不止一次的感慨，家家有本难念的经，一些不太开心的事情听得多了，自己也会替别人心疼。
年轻的时候我们无知且热血，人的天性是善良的，可是当面对这个满是豺狼虎豹的社会的时候，为了自己的生存，很多人摒弃了善良的本性，露出了最原始的为求生存而不惜一切的丑陋嘴脸。当大多数人都变为禽兽的时候，那些还秉持良知的人就成了某种意义上的牺牲品，这也是为什么我们会有“人善被人欺”的说法。
年少轻狂时难免犯错，可能有些东西在当时看来不一定是错，但事过境迁之后，回想起当初，也许我们会选择走一条不一样的路。从很小很小开始，父母就教育我说，天下什么药都有的卖，就是没有后悔药。所以在我们做每一个决定之前，都必须想好，怎样最大程度上避免日后会后悔。当然，这个是说起来容易做起来难。我们是有感情的动物，不可能说事事都绝对理智的去对待，以确保事情万无一失。（即便是绝对理智，也不能确保万无一失）
自己有过不少栽跟头的例子，也听了其他很多让人想撞墙壁的故事，现在才来反省，究竟要怎么样在接下来的几十年里面，尽量少走弯路少碰壁。究竟我们应该以什么样的态度来面对生活？人是感情脆弱的动物，我们每一个人都是父母的宝贝，只要有人受到伤害，必定有两颗心为他而碎。所以，看在人这么难做的份上，为了不让父母操心，更重要的，也是为了自己，我们要更加爱自己。
一失足成千古恨...
然而今天跟朋友聊到了一些东西，让我原本四大皆空的脑袋顿时思绪万千。人类从在母体里形成，到最后化成灰烬，那么说长不长，说短不短的几十年里面，我们会经历千万件大小不一的事情。可能当初在母体里的那个胚胎细胞根本无法料想到，自己未来的日子里面有多少酸甜苦辣在等着自己。我曾经不止一次的感慨，家家有本难念的经，一些不太开心的事情听得多了，自己也会替别人心疼。
年轻的时候我们无知且热血，人的天性是善良的，可是当面对这个满是豺狼虎豹的社会的时候，为了自己的生存，很多人摒弃了善良的本性，露出了最原始的为求生存而不惜一切的丑陋嘴脸。当大多数人都变为禽兽的时候，那些还秉持良知的人就成了某种意义上的牺牲品，这也是为什么我们会有“人善被人欺”的说法。
年少轻狂时难免犯错，可能有些东西在当时看来不一定是错，但事过境迁之后，回想起当初，也许我们会选择走一条不一样的路。从很小很小开始，父母就教育我说，天下什么药都有的卖，就是没有后悔药。所以在我们做每一个决定之前，都必须想好，怎样最大程度上避免日后会后悔。当然，这个是说起来容易做起来难。我们是有感情的动物，不可能说事事都绝对理智的去对待，以确保事情万无一失。（即便是绝对理智，也不能确保万无一失）
自己有过不少栽跟头的例子，也听了其他很多让人想撞墙壁的故事，现在才来反省，究竟要怎么样在接下来的几十年里面，尽量少走弯路少碰壁。究竟我们应该以什么样的态度来面对生活？人是感情脆弱的动物，我们每一个人都是父母的宝贝，只要有人受到伤害，必定有两颗心为他而碎。所以，看在人这么难做的份上，为了不让父母操心，更重要的，也是为了自己，我们要更加爱自己。
一失足成千古恨...
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
青涩年代，再见！
转眼间自己已经到了一个比豆蔻年华成熟许多，但是却又未到熟女的夹心饼干时期。或许是时候该盘点一下记忆，把自己的青涩年代打包装进回忆的储藏室了。
同一屋檐下的小朋友很嫩，年方十九，可以说叫鲜翠欲滴。今天她打算要做一件很可爱的事情：把家里的钥匙交给一个从未见过面的打算搬进来的新房客，而且押金分文没收，只是在网上跟那女生聊了几天，就觉得房客非她莫属。幸亏被我及时发现，阻止了一场悲剧的发生。她刚来到这边不久，对于这一切的惯例都还很不熟悉，所以我丝毫没有怪她的样子。孩子生性纯良，有时候单纯到了让人有点为她担心。但是当她跟老妈老爸吵架的时候，母老虎就现身了。我才多吃了几年饭而已，都止不住无奈的摇头。
看到她让我不禁回想起当初的自己，那些人那些事从眼前飘过，仿如隔世的感觉。当初我也是很纯很蠢，什么都不会什么都不懂什么都没有，一个人只身来到几千公里之外的国度，幸好身边有静宜他们一群人，我从来不曾忘记那个见谁都叫哥哥叫姐姐的时期。岁月是怎样一道一道在我身体上刻下痕迹，只有我自己清楚。
这么些年的摸爬滚打中，青涩也渐渐退去，慢慢的，我成了人家的姐姐，从一个圈子中最小的一个，变成了最老的一个，落差的确有点大。可是这些年自己也是真的在不断成长，不断进步。妈妈嘴上不说，可是她心里明白，她女儿长大了。虽然有时候还是扯住童真的尾巴不肯放手，但玩笑归玩笑，真正要做事的时候，女儿是个大人了。
曾经我思考过很多次，究竟一个人应该青涩多久？是不是在社会的染缸里混过之后，就会被渐渐染上成熟的黄色。或者说，虽然外表被染黄了，可是内心还是碧绿的，这种碧绿能够持续多久，应该持续多久？夹在这中间的“青黄不接”也不是个办法，是不是从我踏出校园的那一天开始，就应该对青涩年代说拜拜了呢？抑或是，其实它早已经离我而去了，只是我没有跟它道过别...
那么就今天吧，郑重的而又不舍的对青涩年代说声：再见！
同一屋檐下的小朋友很嫩，年方十九，可以说叫鲜翠欲滴。今天她打算要做一件很可爱的事情：把家里的钥匙交给一个从未见过面的打算搬进来的新房客，而且押金分文没收，只是在网上跟那女生聊了几天，就觉得房客非她莫属。幸亏被我及时发现，阻止了一场悲剧的发生。她刚来到这边不久，对于这一切的惯例都还很不熟悉，所以我丝毫没有怪她的样子。孩子生性纯良，有时候单纯到了让人有点为她担心。但是当她跟老妈老爸吵架的时候，母老虎就现身了。我才多吃了几年饭而已，都止不住无奈的摇头。
看到她让我不禁回想起当初的自己，那些人那些事从眼前飘过，仿如隔世的感觉。当初我也是很纯很蠢，什么都不会什么都不懂什么都没有，一个人只身来到几千公里之外的国度，幸好身边有静宜他们一群人，我从来不曾忘记那个见谁都叫哥哥叫姐姐的时期。岁月是怎样一道一道在我身体上刻下痕迹，只有我自己清楚。
这么些年的摸爬滚打中，青涩也渐渐退去，慢慢的，我成了人家的姐姐，从一个圈子中最小的一个，变成了最老的一个，落差的确有点大。可是这些年自己也是真的在不断成长，不断进步。妈妈嘴上不说，可是她心里明白，她女儿长大了。虽然有时候还是扯住童真的尾巴不肯放手，但玩笑归玩笑，真正要做事的时候，女儿是个大人了。
曾经我思考过很多次，究竟一个人应该青涩多久？是不是在社会的染缸里混过之后，就会被渐渐染上成熟的黄色。或者说，虽然外表被染黄了，可是内心还是碧绿的，这种碧绿能够持续多久，应该持续多久？夹在这中间的“青黄不接”也不是个办法，是不是从我踏出校园的那一天开始，就应该对青涩年代说拜拜了呢？抑或是，其实它早已经离我而去了，只是我没有跟它道过别...
那么就今天吧，郑重的而又不舍的对青涩年代说声：再见！
Monday, July 25, 2011
Voice of the innocent victims-723 bullet train accident
China, please stop your flying pace, wait for your people, wait for your soul, wait for your morality, wait for your conscience! Don't let the train run out off track, don't let the bridges collapse, don't let the roads become traps, don't let houses become ruins. Walk slowly, allowing every life to have freedom and dignity. No one should be left behind by our era.
Friday, July 15, 2011
A Long Due Post
The past 1 month slip between my fingers with nobody's notice. Plenty of things happened: I had my 2nd backpack trip alone to Bangkok; I went back home for 3 weeks; I had an operation for the first time in life; I'm back in KL again overnight and transformed to a "Malaysian style me" compared to the "Chinese style".
Wanted to scribble something long ago, however due to various reasons, time, energy, the prohibition of accessing blogspot in China, all kinds of excuses. Waited until all the eagerly pouring feelings are gone, yet memories still enshrines.For a complicated mixture of sensitive and sensible creature like me, although sensitivity has taken up a major part, the remaining pathetic sense still can guide me to make sensible decisions.
It's a bit hard to recall every details in those days, but I do know is that I've experienced,learned many tiny things which may not raise your attention. My 2nd sweet escape feels as good as first one, but I've learnt something fresh, that is, there really can be 2 drifters off to see the world together. I've met a living example: a sweet couple from Taiwan who have been together for 23 years and now they still seem like they are enjoying honeymoon.Maybe I'm asking too much again. God allows us to pray,but not for something that is too over. I don't know whether my prayer is too extreme, no matter what I still consider it as moderate.
Finally,I've visited Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand which is the typical first overseas tour that a Chinese would select.I had the urge to write a comparison between the 3 capital cities in SEA. Unwillingly but no choice, from many aspects, KL ranks the bottom.If anybody is unconvinced, a detailed analysis can be performed upon requirement.
Suddenly wonder how important is the social network to us? I didn't log on to my facebook for 3 weeks and I was like a person in dessert craving for a drop of rainfall. How much on earth does it affect our life? Maybe we are just enjoying other people's attention and uploading snapshots everywhere on our mobile phones. I've never calculated how much time I spent on it, don't dare to do so as well. I had to admit, modern science is really addictive. Ask those who just bought an ipad 2 then you will know what I'm talking about.
Well just realised insofar I'm just mumbling the words that only I can understand. It's all right, my birthday is just around the corner. I'm sure I'll have mood to do a proper post after that.
Wanted to scribble something long ago, however due to various reasons, time, energy, the prohibition of accessing blogspot in China, all kinds of excuses. Waited until all the eagerly pouring feelings are gone, yet memories still enshrines.For a complicated mixture of sensitive and sensible creature like me, although sensitivity has taken up a major part, the remaining pathetic sense still can guide me to make sensible decisions.
It's a bit hard to recall every details in those days, but I do know is that I've experienced,learned many tiny things which may not raise your attention. My 2nd sweet escape feels as good as first one, but I've learnt something fresh, that is, there really can be 2 drifters off to see the world together. I've met a living example: a sweet couple from Taiwan who have been together for 23 years and now they still seem like they are enjoying honeymoon.Maybe I'm asking too much again. God allows us to pray,but not for something that is too over. I don't know whether my prayer is too extreme, no matter what I still consider it as moderate.
Finally,I've visited Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand which is the typical first overseas tour that a Chinese would select.I had the urge to write a comparison between the 3 capital cities in SEA. Unwillingly but no choice, from many aspects, KL ranks the bottom.If anybody is unconvinced, a detailed analysis can be performed upon requirement.
Suddenly wonder how important is the social network to us? I didn't log on to my facebook for 3 weeks and I was like a person in dessert craving for a drop of rainfall. How much on earth does it affect our life? Maybe we are just enjoying other people's attention and uploading snapshots everywhere on our mobile phones. I've never calculated how much time I spent on it, don't dare to do so as well. I had to admit, modern science is really addictive. Ask those who just bought an ipad 2 then you will know what I'm talking about.
Well just realised insofar I'm just mumbling the words that only I can understand. It's all right, my birthday is just around the corner. I'm sure I'll have mood to do a proper post after that.
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