碎碎念

又一个星期在眨眼之间飞过,还是每天马不停蹄的生活,上课上班吃饭睡觉,虽忙碌但却很充实. 这个星期我需要好好的自我检讨, 思想异常浮躁(虽然我已经浮躁了很多年), 颇有"雨不停,心不定"的感觉.压力大是固然的,我不知道自己的受重能力有多强,但是骨头里的懒虫子好像又有抬头的迹象.

她,勇敢镇定坚强不屈,一人独自挑起生活的重担,面对困难毫不退缩,尽自己的微薄之力帮助家里减轻负担,熬过了这么多个年头,但却无怨无悔. 我会很心疼她, 同时也很佩服, 佩服她如野草一般的坚韧不拔. 我也不是温室里的小花,我没有任何借口埋怨眼前的幸福生活,知足长乐.

他,比我还年轻,但是却那么上进,一直坚持不懈的自我提升,并没有因为自己天资聪颖而有丝毫懈怠,凡事考虑周到,有责任感又懂事的孩子,那份认真很让人感动.

她,凡事求知求真,学习上非要打破砂锅问到底,这是我从来没有过的精神,人家可以因为一个小问题而研究三天三夜,我什么时候才能有这份钻研的执着?

他,身为家里的长子,家庭在他心目中有着无可比拟的地位,远在他乡,对家里的关怀和挂念,在他坚定的眼神中表露无疑.你即将离开,我会为你默默祈祷,愿你一切都好,希望早日再重逢.

她,怀着一颗少女纯真的心,默默的为某个人付出着真情,这么多年来,那种苦楚是外人无法体会的.羡慕她的执着和热情,同时也怀念自己当初可爱的鲁莽和那些澎湃的思绪. 人老了,好像反而觉得越来越懦弱,越来越麻木.

看到身边这些人,再想到自己,真是自惭形秽,不应该啊不应该,我有一千一万个不应该.要好好珍惜眼前的生活,珍惜一切学习的机会,珍惜现在的充实,不要再给自己找借口开绿灯了,我总是对自己太好...

Randomness on Friday

It's just a normal Friday afternoon, at school alone, quiet as usual coz the chaos only starts from 6pm onwards. I don't have the "Thank God It's Friday" feeling as I still need to work tomorrow and pathetically, on Sunday as well. Get up as early as the weekdays and the only difference is I can go back earlier and have some free time for a dinner appointment or some personal entertainment.

Back to KL already 3 weeks but I have only met up with 2 friends so far. I fully contributed my time and energy to my beloved college and did it willingly. Time goes on and on, life goes on and on. Although exhausted from time to time, the majority memories are cheerful. Might feel disgusted at some idiots occasionally, I still managed to keep a peaceful mindset despite the assignments do make me fed up. Let's see how patient I am and estimate the count down to the eruption of the volcano. I tried my best to ignore, however I formed the good habit of loathing bad teachers since my early stages at school. And the accumulation of it results in the "flying red"colours in my maths exams many years later. I do curse those nuts!

Party girl is gonna chill on Sunday! Hooray!

十年

最近很不爽,该死的F8和P1给了我不少麻烦。老师很怕输怕死，每堂课都布置作业，而且一布置就是15道题！学的东西又是半桶水，不清不楚的还要叫我做题？但是没得选，班上一共不到10个人，你不交就等于是秃子头上的虱子---明摆着的嘛。不过好像本小姐从小学开始就养成了不交作业的好习惯，这么多年以来的懒骨头，不知道还有没有救。

昨天晚上突然很想哭，差不多一年以来的第一次，莫名的，不知道是因为功课的压力还是什么，只是感觉有点累。有人说我是loser，我毫不犹豫的承认，是啊，我算老几？一无所有的loser。但是突然回想到十年前，父亲刚刚去世的时候，我在作文中写道：“大石拦路，弱者把它当成前进的障碍，强者把它当成前进的阶梯。”语文老师在后面点评说：“你，一个14岁的小女孩，却让我知道了什么叫坚强，努力吧，相信你的未来会无比光明。”我永远记得那行字，几乎成为了我心中的灯塔，但是2年后我就已经愧对了那行字。

这次回家的时候，和朋友谈到高中时候的故事，王山而用非常少有的一本正经的语气对我说：亲爱的，你是因为那时候放弃了呀，如果不是的话。。。我突然心里痛了一下，再次被人提醒，我是一个逃兵。那句“如果不是的话”后面我可以接上很多不同的可能性，或许我会读梦寐以求的厦大，或许是北语的小语种，或许我现在已经成为对外汉语教师，或许啊或许。。。或许我不会是今天的loser。。。

事到如今，我已经没有退路，不管前面有刀山火海，我也只有硬着头皮上了，这是我自找的，我活该。。。

New semester, new paper, new challenge

After having a 2-week holiday back home, now everything has returned to normal. I'm back to KL, back to school and back to work.

The first week has passed in the blink of eyes. I'm brave enough this round, taking 3 papers, F8,9&P1. Don't know why, maybe because I banged my head on the wall and it made me dumb so that i dare to take these 3 killing papers at the same time. Don't know don't care, just try it out, it must be fun, to maltreat myself which I never done before. I've always been too kind to myself and that results in the lazy bones I'm having today.

Sometimes I miss the time spent at home, I don't need to worry about anything, when I'm hungry, there's always food, no need to do the laundry, cleaning job, grocery shopping etc which seem like minor issues but actually make a very big part in daily life, and, it's time consuming. Now I got headache again, about what to eat everyday. :'( Definately mum's gonna laugh at me if she sees this, but luckily she never will. I'm sure she will say:"You deserve it...lol".

After the first week of classes, I felt like I've chosen a chronic suicide. All of the stuff are brand new for me and outside of my knowledge scope. It's gonna be damn challenging, I don't know what the outcome is, all I know is, I gotta try, then I will die without any regret...

Cold Christmas in China

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas..."

After a few years' "summer Christmas" in Malaysia, I had my 1st Cold Christmas back home. It's not snowing and it never will on Christmas day in Chongqing, but the weather is dull and drizzling all day long. I haven't seen sunshine for quite a few days, really miss the heat in KL.

Almost everybody would think that i had a crazy hang-out last night. However, I stayed at home and watched a movie instead. According to today's newspaper, there were 100 thousand people gathered in a "Caucasian Street" last night for the countdown, the buildings in the street are all very exotic and majestic. It's a place of interest here and you could really see the different side of a modern Chinese city. But 100 thousand is really a stunning figure, i cannot imagine how many tonnes of rubbish they could produce after their crazy party!

The merchandise prices in China are hiking incredibly without any sign of stabilising or reducing. More imported stuff are available with breath-taking prices. Pappa Roti here cost you RMB5, teh tarik is RMB7, roti canai ranks from RMB10-20, Munchy's biscuit is labelled at RMB19 which is only RM3.9 in KL. I was quite shocked as I'm claiming i don't need to buy anything and at the same time i spent about RM200 daily.

Anyway, it's good to be home. I don't need to worry about what to eat everyday. Mum would try her best to satisfy me with her OMG cooking skill, if no choice, there are lots of restaurants serving different cuisines out there. Having 5 meals per day, definately it contradicts with my original"losing weight plan". But i really feel pityful if i just eat 3 times a day as there are too much yum-yum food and my time is limited. Eat until I die!

I'm using a proxy server to update my blog coz China banned blogspot for the reasons i cannot figure out. Really inconvenient and i can't log on to facebook also! WTF...Malaysia,i'm coming back very soon...

Stressed out!

Count down to my "favourite" exam: 2 days to go

Count down to my 倦鸟归巢：4 days to go

However, all i think of is the fcuking exam and not even 0.1% of the pleasure i would have after i go home. It really makes me sick. I couldn't sleep well for more than a week. Insomnia never appears in my dictionary, but not this time.

Flipping the past year questions, auditing the answers, even don't bother to work them out by myself, looking at the black "ants" already makes me wanna puke. Why can't i just become a normal student? No need to be super hard-working, just a reasonable diligent student will do, so i won't be thinking of hanging out mucking around everyday.

Suddenly miss somebody, the love, support and even the lessons i learnt in a hard way. Maybe in the absence of your guidance i can never be a "good girl". I don't know how am i supposed to sail without a lighthouse.

Aiks...God bless everybody!

鸟人一群群

一样米养百样人，林子大了，真是什么鸟都有，不厌其烦的一次又一次往自己脸上缠绷带，难道这样就能遮住你的丑陋嘴脸了吗？简直是欲盖弥彰嘛！要做，就不要怕人家知道，要想人不知，除非己莫为，不然的话，总有见光的那一天的，到头来又要自己打自己的嘴，看你怎么死！

这年头，任何意义上的“自由”都很难，似乎人类习惯于被禁锢，喜欢被约束，不然好像就找不到依靠一样。好像有人特别喜欢观察注意别人，稍微人家有一点风吹草动，当事人自己都没放在心上的事情，这边毫不干事的群体反而已经引起轩然大波。这叫什么？说得好听点叫皇帝不急太监急，不过原本不该急的事情，你太监急有个P用？说得难听点，这叫闲事管得宽，再说得难听点，这叫三8！不过你8的时候也应该先管管自己吧？照照自己什么德行，再对人评头论足也不迟，不要“马列主义装电筒”，只照别人不照自己。不然是不是非得要人家送你一面大镜子，让你面对一下现实，我是怕你看着镜子里的自己羞愧得无地自容！真正有自知之明的人，每当照镜子的时候，倒是真的会觉得羞愧，比如我们的英文和中文文学界的大师林语堂先生。如果林老都会觉得看着自己头皮发麻的话，不知道平凡如你如我的人应该要把尾巴夹得多紧才是！

鸟人一群群，SB一堆堆。。。可怜的地球，竟然承载了60多亿“人类”这种东西，难怪她也会有罢工的一天，等着瞧吧。。。