Tangled

Love is something neither easy nor complicated. However it has been bothering people for centuries and many of us couldn't figure out how on earth it works. Staying up so late on a weekday night, is to consult 2 friends simultaneously on msn about LOVE issue. I suddenly feel myself is so dedicated and caring, advising them on LOVE on a weekday's midnight...

When talking about other people's problems, we tend to be more brave and open, all kinds of ideas run through the head, all the do's and don'ts, all the should and shouldn't. Acting like an experienced expert, being an outsider really helps us to see things more clearly. Looks as if I'm Ms know-all as I'm trying my best to ease people's pain. However, every word i said, seemed like a spur prick into my heart, it's bleeding inside, quietly without anybody knowing.

I'm a kid who doesn't like to ask questions, in study, in life, in everything. All my questions are swallowed in and kept inside my stomach, nobody knows as I seldom bring them up. People keep on asking me what is love, why is love like this, what should i do in this kind of love... Oh, my...I'm very pandai when talk only, if you ask me to implement all the words I said, sorry to say so, I don't have the bravery.

I used to have the habit of pouring out everything to Nora everytime I'm back home, I call it "empty my recycle bin", so I can start a new phase of life. As I'm becoming more and more stubborn, I try my best not to bring up unhappy issues and keep all the rotten apples with myself. But I'm getting more and more coward, I've lost the courage when I was younger. I'd rather call it "coward" than "matured", sad, isn't it?

Tangled, over some matters, what is right and what is wrong, what am I supposed to do, I don't know...I know you know, then please give me an answer

判刑日

翘首期盼了2个多月,终于等到了这一天,今天是我们ACCA学生的判刑日,因为12月考试的成绩将于今天公布. 原本应该是14号就出成绩的,但是考虑到14号是我们的大年初一,仁慈的ACCA为了让我们安心过年,推迟了一个星期审判我们.

所有人都很紧张,考试的也好,看别人考试的也好,皇帝太监一起急.我的亲爱的们已经很多天都吃不下睡不香了,大家都是神经绷得紧紧的,好像有什么大事会一触即发一样.其实万事已成定局,现在操心也是无谓,我们目前就是像"案板上的猪肉---任人宰割",所以,放松心情,顺其自然吧.

最后,祝所有ACCA的同胞们GOOD LUCK!

年终盘点

其实严格说起来这已经算是“年初计划”，还没赶得及做总结，虎年就已经在我还没准备好的时候来临了，没有红内裤红内衣,全靠手上一条红珊瑚手链来“抵挡”本命年的“太岁”，我坚信，I'm gonna be ok!

金牛年全球股市一点都不牛，马来西亚也受到严重的冲击，身为平民百姓都会感觉到金融危机的影响，全世界在失业率暴涨的艰难中熬过了一年，而我却在浑浑噩噩又充实忙碌中度过了一年，不知道收获如何，等22号才可以下定论，相信应该是个丰收年。

金虎年来到，不知道等待我们的是什么，Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is gift。把握眼前的gift，纵然梦想很丰满，现实很骨感，但是最重要的是心中要有信念，当你相信你可以的时候，你就一定行！

王菲在春晚复出，用她的天籁演绎了《传奇》，相信这是个好兆头，金虎年会是一个传奇！

Emotional

I've been very emotional recently, showing my characteristics as a Cancerian. Frustrated about studies, neither failure nor success cheers me up; tangled on some matters, sensitive about any little ripple, at the same time scared of over-acting to hurt people and myself. My hot temper is emerging, unsatisfied with myself and everything around me, have no idea what I can do to fix it, instead, I'm only like an ant on a hot pan, full of anxiety.

I'm just too eager to figure out something due to lack of confidence and my blindness of being involved inside this matter. I need a sign, an indication, to tell me what to do. I can't even see the situation clearly by myself, overwhelmed by my stupid emotions. Feels like I'm going to be devoured by a blackhole or something. It sucks me in, I'm falling, like dropping inside a whirlpool. Turns around and around, it seems I'm moving however never will I reach the end as there is no end...

Study is like sailing on Pacific Ocean without a compas. No direction, no aim, no captain, no sailor, no steering steel...sounds scary, but this is exactly how I feel now. Again, the word "feel", I'm being emotional again. I'm only sure about one thing, frustrations never end...

碎碎念

又一个星期在眨眼之间飞过,还是每天马不停蹄的生活,上课上班吃饭睡觉,虽忙碌但却很充实. 这个星期我需要好好的自我检讨, 思想异常浮躁(虽然我已经浮躁了很多年), 颇有"雨不停,心不定"的感觉.压力大是固然的,我不知道自己的受重能力有多强,但是骨头里的懒虫子好像又有抬头的迹象.

她,勇敢镇定坚强不屈,一人独自挑起生活的重担,面对困难毫不退缩,尽自己的微薄之力帮助家里减轻负担,熬过了这么多个年头,但却无怨无悔. 我会很心疼她, 同时也很佩服, 佩服她如野草一般的坚韧不拔. 我也不是温室里的小花,我没有任何借口埋怨眼前的幸福生活,知足长乐.

他,比我还年轻,但是却那么上进,一直坚持不懈的自我提升,并没有因为自己天资聪颖而有丝毫懈怠,凡事考虑周到,有责任感又懂事的孩子,那份认真很让人感动.

她,凡事求知求真,学习上非要打破砂锅问到底,这是我从来没有过的精神,人家可以因为一个小问题而研究三天三夜,我什么时候才能有这份钻研的执着?

他,身为家里的长子,家庭在他心目中有着无可比拟的地位,远在他乡,对家里的关怀和挂念,在他坚定的眼神中表露无疑.你即将离开,我会为你默默祈祷,愿你一切都好,希望早日再重逢.

她,怀着一颗少女纯真的心,默默的为某个人付出着真情,这么多年来,那种苦楚是外人无法体会的.羡慕她的执着和热情,同时也怀念自己当初可爱的鲁莽和那些澎湃的思绪. 人老了,好像反而觉得越来越懦弱,越来越麻木.

看到身边这些人,再想到自己,真是自惭形秽,不应该啊不应该,我有一千一万个不应该.要好好珍惜眼前的生活,珍惜一切学习的机会,珍惜现在的充实,不要再给自己找借口开绿灯了,我总是对自己太好...

Randomness on Friday

It's just a normal Friday afternoon, at school alone, quiet as usual coz the chaos only starts from 6pm onwards. I don't have the "Thank God It's Friday" feeling as I still need to work tomorrow and pathetically, on Sunday as well. Get up as early as the weekdays and the only difference is I can go back earlier and have some free time for a dinner appointment or some personal entertainment.

Back to KL already 3 weeks but I have only met up with 2 friends so far. I fully contributed my time and energy to my beloved college and did it willingly. Time goes on and on, life goes on and on. Although exhausted from time to time, the majority memories are cheerful. Might feel disgusted at some idiots occasionally, I still managed to keep a peaceful mindset despite the assignments do make me fed up. Let's see how patient I am and estimate the count down to the eruption of the volcano. I tried my best to ignore, however I formed the good habit of loathing bad teachers since my early stages at school. And the accumulation of it results in the "flying red"colours in my maths exams many years later. I do curse those nuts!

Party girl is gonna chill on Sunday! Hooray!

十年

最近很不爽,该死的F8和P1给了我不少麻烦。老师很怕输怕死，每堂课都布置作业，而且一布置就是15道题！学的东西又是半桶水，不清不楚的还要叫我做题？但是没得选，班上一共不到10个人，你不交就等于是秃子头上的虱子---明摆着的嘛。不过好像本小姐从小学开始就养成了不交作业的好习惯，这么多年以来的懒骨头，不知道还有没有救。

昨天晚上突然很想哭，差不多一年以来的第一次，莫名的，不知道是因为功课的压力还是什么，只是感觉有点累。有人说我是loser，我毫不犹豫的承认，是啊，我算老几？一无所有的loser。但是突然回想到十年前，父亲刚刚去世的时候，我在作文中写道：“大石拦路，弱者把它当成前进的障碍，强者把它当成前进的阶梯。”语文老师在后面点评说：“你，一个14岁的小女孩，却让我知道了什么叫坚强，努力吧，相信你的未来会无比光明。”我永远记得那行字，几乎成为了我心中的灯塔，但是2年后我就已经愧对了那行字。

这次回家的时候，和朋友谈到高中时候的故事，王山而用非常少有的一本正经的语气对我说：亲爱的，你是因为那时候放弃了呀，如果不是的话。。。我突然心里痛了一下，再次被人提醒，我是一个逃兵。那句“如果不是的话”后面我可以接上很多不同的可能性，或许我会读梦寐以求的厦大，或许是北语的小语种，或许我现在已经成为对外汉语教师，或许啊或许。。。或许我不会是今天的loser。。。

事到如今，我已经没有退路，不管前面有刀山火海，我也只有硬着头皮上了，这是我自找的，我活该。。。