流连忘返的短暂逃离---Day 2

We didn't have the luxury of sleeping until sun burns our ass although we were on holiday. Set the alarm to 7am as we need to take our buffet breakfast and a rest of at least 30 minutes before going for our 2nd snorkeling trip---Marine Park. Before our departure, we had a bilingual funny briefing by a bunch of guys called Cabbage，Abalone and Grouper, which really aroused my appetite and made me miss the seafood at Sabah. After a 20 minutes boat trip, we arrived at the Marine Park, which is totally what you are thinking about. It's not the conventional aquarium type of park. It's basically a beach which has protected corals underwater and of course, schools of different types of fish. Sharks there are said to be vegetarian and I'm praying that even if they are carnassial,they are Islamic shark and won't touch a piglet like me! However we didn't find any shark, instead, a lot more fragile and tiny fish, clustering around us begging for bread.

I was much severely tanned compared to the day before. After 1 hour plus in the water,I could feel that I've darkened from coffee to coal. And I did not regret, at most it's just to wear a unstrippable bikini for a year or two. As long as nobody else could see or would care, I feel perfectly ok to have a triangle shape sunburn on my butt. At least I don't look like a Peking duck from the exterior. (Pangkor island really roasted me, fully and thoroughly and it took me about 2 years to recover). The underwater world is mesmerizing and mysterious. All kinds of corals and animals or plants, indescribably amazing. I kept on pressing my camera and couldn't really see what I've captured. I bet I'd do a laser operation to settle my eye-sight problem, otherwise it would be a big loss if go snorkeling which doesn't have powered snorkeling mask.

After the 2nd snorkeling we've decided our stamina does not allow us to go for a 3rd one in the afternoon. And we prefer to chill in the resort to take some photos. It was a nice sunny day so we had to risk being tanned again in order to get the photos with perfect exposure. Terry was our photographer and we were the cam whores. Posting whatever we wanted and pretended whatever we wished for. My newly acquired long beach dress looks great with the blue sea. Guess what I was looking at?

My lovely sister looks great in every single shoot and we were trying our best to fuss our photographer. Terry was surprisingly patient and coordinated well with two difficult women.The movie More More Tea makes the air is full of romance, many couples chose this place to take photo as memory. So did we, although we were not couple. But I think we look great, what say you?

Apologies my dear readers, I feel sleepy and need to take a shower and doze off,Day 3 there was nothing much to talk about as we spent most of the day on the bus back to KL. Well, we shall see how...

流连忘返的短暂逃离---第一天

独自在外流浪多年之后，终于盼来了除了母亲大人之外的第一位家人到访--我唯一的表姐在失意之后，选择了马来西亚作为她郁闷的逃离出口。提前就安排好的行程，三天两夜的全包的配套，我们丝毫不需要担心。当飞机降落在瓜拉丁加奴之后，拿着Laguna Redang牌子的酒店人员已经在外等候了，当我报上了名字，在大厅稍等片刻之后，我们便和另外几个人一起上了酒店的面包车。 从Terry那一千多块钱的耳机里传出来的owl city真是再符合我心情不过了，我顿时觉得面包车都好像快乐得在飞，窗外是一片乡下渔村的景象，在我看来都是无比宁静而亲切。不一会儿就到了码头，远处看到很多不算小的渡船，大部分都是属于Laguna酒店的。接待人员令人吃惊的会说中文，后来我才意识到原来去Laguna的游客大部分是国人。不知道是因为《夏日嬷嬷茶》的名气还是包吃包住包玩的配套，或者是对于国人而言不贵的价钱和美丽的海滩，Laguna在国内的口碑不是一般的好。游客中有很多人是去度蜜月的，也不乏夫妻带着孩子出来旅行，更有甚者是全家从爷爷奶奶到孙子孙女一起的，我不禁感叹中国人真有米啊。 船上的温度秉承了马来西亚一贯的原则：只要有顶的地方，就恨不得冷死你。好在我有先见之明，带足了给表姐的和给自己的御寒衣物，不过很明显柔弱的表姐不习惯这样忽冷忽热的温差，喷嚏不断，有生病的嫌疑。Terry童鞋很是贴心，看在他去过3次热浪岛的份上，毫无怨言的当苦力当导游当保镖，嘘寒问暖，尽量满足我们的需要。我也不知道从什么时候开始Terry跟我姐有那么多话说的，貌似这个我认识多年的兄弟把一年的话都积到了这一个小时的航程里。我只顾着看窗外的海水从黄色变成蓝色，偶尔还有一片片的绿色，让我不自然的想起了坦桑蓝海洋之心的颜色，蓝得很深邃很有质感，恨不得把你的目光全都吸进去。我顿时在想，这片海水是有多大的苦衷，能让它蓝得这般忧郁。

当船驶入一片清澈见底的浅海时，我看到了不远处的码头。下船之后被不远处传来的吉他声吸引了，两个黑兄弟穿着艳丽的岛服，用生硬的华语唱着“岛歌”---浪花一朵朵。喜感亲切感一股脑的都涌上来了，在厅里集合，听一个人给我们开会说在岛上的注意事项，之后就坐着一个像小火车一样的拖拉机去酒店的前台check in。最让我难忘的是那杯欢迎饮料，白色的，不知道什么东西，里面有酸梅和一片酸柑，喝起来也是酸甜解渴的，可惜的是每人只有一杯，要续杯的话需要5块钱。我们三个静静的坐在大厅前的椅子上，面朝大海，夏暖花开，姐姐的ipad单曲循环着《爱情爱情》，我当时就在想，这是怎样的一种心痛和失望。不发一语的，坐在他身边陪她哼唱，我希望那个时候的她是真的全身心放松放空什么都不想的，至少眼前的美景会使人暂时忘记现实，给我们一些幻想的空间。

午餐之后去check-in，房间号204，我们的豪华海景房果然没让人失望，拉开窗帘，落地窗外面就是海滩，在椰树和茅草搭成的遮阳伞的陪衬下，给人一种恨不得要马上扑进这幅美丽的画中的感觉。顿时觉得丝毫都不后悔，虽然有点肉疼，但是绝对值得。我跳上阳台的栅栏，坐着发呆，看着眼前的景色，在那一刻，没有任何理由能让这颗不安的心平静不下来。放任自己被这眼前的一切深深吸引，那个时候一切的文字都显得那么苍白无力，美是不需要语言来形容的，瞬间的词穷，我们只能不停的说：好美好美。美得我想引用《莎翁情史》的一句台词，Viola说:this is not life, this is stolen time.

下午是我们第一次出海浮潜，是在open water，听起来有点悬乎，因为没有沙滩没有海岸，就算是浮潜累了，也只能在海里呆着踩水，我姐是旱鸭子，但Terry是高手，就只有指望他了，我那点本事照顾自己是没问题的。船行驶了大概20分钟就到了我们浮潜的目的地，大家都跃跃欲试的想往下跳，穿着救生衣的人群突然给我一种幻觉，类似泰坦尼克号里面沉船之前的景象。我的潜水相机在水下作业的时间不能超过一个小时，于是我就等到最后一个才下水，算好了等会儿上岸的时间，应该刚好一小时。人们在海水中像煮饺子一样，没戴眼镜的我根本看不到我姐跟Terry去了哪儿，也没心思去找他们，相信他俩一定是在一起的，有Terry这个保镖在，我放心。海底有很多珊瑚，还有一群一群贪吃的鱼，来抢食人们手中的面包，可惜的是没看到Nemo，其他的鱼种类不少，但是都没Nemo那么可爱。海底摄影是非常有技术的，我本来已经够瞎了，还要戴一个浮潜面罩，我能看清楚的东西是非常的有限，一边游泳一边拍照的我只能随便按快门。

老骨头没游多久就觉得累了，突然一个没穿救生衣的出现在我面前，一看原来是Terry，他生怕我被鱼群吃了，找了我半天，顿时觉得有点内疚。身为家里的最小的还是有很多优越待遇的，我姐疼我，Terry疼我姐，必然的，Terry也疼我，我当时有一刹那觉得他有点像我姐夫的感觉，以下省略一千字...回到酒店梳洗完毕，肚子已经饿得咕咕叫，恨不得马上就去餐厅狂吃一顿，突然一个东西抓住了我们的目光，酒店大厅外的小阁楼上摆了张放桌子，桌上和地板上满是玫瑰花瓣，桌子上有花和蜡烛，蓝色的格子桌布也是我喜欢的风格。姐姐被这眼前的一切深深的吸引了，捧着单反跑到桌子前后左右好一个拍。同样作为女生，我相信大家都觉得那个女孩子很幸福，不是人人都有那种浪漫细胞的，我没看清楚那个男生的样子，只是觉得这一对坐在鲜花和蜡烛堆里的人很可爱。浪漫与否，很多时候钱不是最大的因素，有钱但没那个心思的大有人在。我看到了姐姐眼里的渴望和羡慕，我倒是看懂了，可是不知道他呢？

晚餐之后我们坐在海边听现场乐队，可惜的是那个女主唱功力差了些，男吉他手的声音还算差强人意。姐姐叫我帮她点首《没那么简单》，我听到她点这样的歌都觉得心酸。静静的坐着，吹海风，喝椰子，听歌，真恨不得让时间停滞，既然有一种生活状态是如此，那我们这么折腾自己又是何必呢？突然想到了富翁和渔夫的故事，渔夫问富翁那么拼命赚钱是为了什么，富翁说是为了能在海边度假吹海风，渔夫说自己现在已经是每天在海边度假吹海风了。这个问题很辨证，很难说清孰是孰非，只是看不同的人选择了不同的生活方式而已，人生只有一辈子，看你愿意浪费多少时间在没意义的事情上。 夜晚陪伴我们的是轻微的海浪声，我们在房间里说笑，什么都不想，让工作，烦恼，生活的疲惫统统见鬼去吧！虽然这只是偷来的时光，我们也要尽情的享受，人生苦短，活在当下吧...

Titanic after 15 years

I haven't stepped into cinema for a long time since I started working. But I swore to myself for thousand times that no matter how I will watch 3D Titanic. It's just a same old story which turns into 3D version in order to grab another bucket of gold in many people's opinion. However I still decided I must go for it, not to reminisce the golden days that I missed long ago, not to recall the very first puberty I had experienced. It's just a "re-education", to see what I've learnt in the past 15 years and how much I have changed in respect of the thoughts about the story.

It was a full-house Friday afternoon, I was in the 3rd row. Luckily it was a spacious hall and the seats located quite far from the screen, otherwise I may have to consult a neck specialist after 3 hours of raising my head. I was the minority who didn't watch with their other part, I totally don't mind as it does not really matter to me. There is no law stating you have to watch a romantic tragedy with your boyfriend anyway.

To be honest, the 3D effect didn't give me much surprise as many scenes actually makes no difference as a 2D version. All the so-called "unhealthy" parts were cut, there was literally nothing for you to see and you absolutely no need to worry someone would reach out his hands and try to touch something.However, that's not what I was looking for. I seldom re-watch a movie that is so famous yet so long. As I had vague memories upon many details, and some of them gave me a shock therefore I had a lot of unexpected feelings. Someone who I used to think he's bad ass now turns out to be a hero, someone died for a reason which I presumed wrongly for 15 years, some lines were so meaningful which I did not pay a slightest attention at that time, due to my very limited English vocabulary when I was only 11. Jack was as handsome as before, Rose was as chubby as in the past. But I do miss the feeling when I first saw Leonardo, his smile had lightened up my world,at that immature age.From Titanic to Inception, we saw a successful transition from a cute boy to a charming man. We've seen how years has carved its mark on his perfect face.I couldn't help sighing that how time flies and I've turned from an innocent girl knowing nothing about this world to today's me, sophisticated and simple, sensible and emotional, chatty and quiet, sunny and gloomy. Full of contradiction and complexity if you don't know me,a funny well-read and knowledgeable idiot if you know me a little, a pure plain piece of paper if you know me well.

Titanic gave me a chance to be touched again,it threw a pebble in my heart and I enjoy watching the ripples to diffuse. It gave me a strike to meditate and to care about something else rather than my tedious never-ending work. I know myself, I know I need to take a break from time to time, I need to breath otherwise I will suffocate in such cultural desert and I believe I'm not the cactus I used to be...

蓝色心情

从小就知道自己是个极度情绪化的人，前一秒还很高兴，后一秒遇到不开心的事可以直接一百八十度大转弯。没太多心机，喜怒哀乐都写在脸上，很少有装B死撑着的时候，也很少有机会遇到非要死撑的情形。

已经好久没有这么持续的blue了，我在办公室多少个小时，我就blue多少个小时，回到家，只要开着公司的电脑，我就继续blue。我向来知道我是典型的theory X，只是不知道严重到什么程度。虽然读书的时候我也不爱读书，可好歹都能咬咬牙坚持，倒也不见得痛苦到面目狰狞。（高中数学咱就别提了，那个是属于外星人的，咱地球人不在讨论之列）可是说到工作，part-time我做过不计其数，full-time的乱七八糟的工作也做过不少，虽然没有遇到会让我非常兴高采烈今天还没下班就期待明天上班的，可至少不会有这种持续的蓝色心情。

有朋友说，怎么我变了一个人？以前那个爱说爱笑的麻雀怎么像被人拔了毛似的？不光她怀念，我自己也怀念。是啊，我承认我是秃了，毛都贡献给资本家了，这年头，不光鸭毛鹅毛能卖钱，麻雀毛人家也照收不误。为了几个花生豆，贴上了时间，自由和快乐，很难说这样的取舍是否值得，但是为了生存，我们不得不做出一些违心的选择。我突然间非常痛恨所谓的flexibility，这意味着你走到哪儿，工作就跟到哪儿，你完全没有自己的空间，工作恨不得跟着你一起上厕所洗澡睡觉。我想要逃，跟自己的私人空间一起逃离到一个没人知道的地方，彻底的放空，卸下精神的枷锁，虽然只是暂时的也好。

小时候都以为自己能拯救世界，长大了才发现原来全世界都拯救不了自己。幸好，当太阳被乌云遮住的时候，还有你，为我点着一支蜡烛，微微的光虽然照不亮整个世界，但是足以温暖我心中那一片小小的未被侵蚀的地方。你让蓝色的心情不再蓝得那么单调沉闷，至少也要像坦桑蓝一样，散发着蓝中透紫的神秘色彩。我要很真诚地跟你说声谢谢，世上没有任何人是理所应当地为别人付出的，背后都有一个缘由，而我，当然知道这个缘由，一切尽在不言中吧...

It's okay not to be okay

Today I had a little chat with an old friend. Small talk about life about work about every tiny piece we shared together.He seemed quite emotional and suffering from doing something he doesn't enjoy. Simple words, he asked me: how is life?

I pondered long enough and was not sure what kind of answer I should provide.Eventually I simply said : I don't know where I shall start to talk about it. Then he got what I mean and responsively replied me saying it means I'm not ok. He went to Jessie J's concert the other day and was amazed by her live show claiming it's even better than the studio album. He quoted a sentence from Who You Are, "It's okay not to be okay".

My heart trembled, he is an adorable kid although not all the time, he does have his little temper once in a while. Generally he's a pleasant person to deal with and as for today I can tell that he is having a tough time.Get bullshit for someone else's fault, it's common in corporate world and it's an awful thing that we're unwilling to encounter,but it's beyond our control. Besides,I told him that the only sparkle of my dull working life is Kimuli, who is the colour in my monochromatic days. He sent his heartiest best wishes to me and which made me think a lot.

Living in this world, many issues are inevitable. We do not have a choice over many things such as we are not able to choose whether or not to come to this world, we can't choose our parents or our childhood either. All we can do is to let go of all the miseries and let the happiness enshrines forever. No scar takes forever to recover, and when it's fully recovered, you will only see a reddish skin and you won't have a slightest idea how it used to pain. Therefore really no point to mentally torture yourself to recall the agony again and again. Let it be...

我的一千零一个愿望

我从古至今向上帝祈求过很多东西，都不是妄求的东西，所以我几乎得到了所有我想要的，只是除了一件，祈求了N久都还没结果的，那就是我的痘痘。

我是一个不抽烟不喝酒的乖孩子，不吃油炸食品，不熬夜，每天喝很多水，吃很多蔬菜和水果，也没便秘的烦恼，可是请问为什么，我还是会长痘痘？记得去年回家动手术的时候，手术医生直接问我是不是长跑运动员，我问她为什么会这么问，她的回答是：因为有痘痘，说明雄性激素多，适合做运动员。我姑且把这当成是赞美的话来自我安慰一下吧。老实说，就连中医也没说出个原因来到底是为什么，虽然我吃了中药很管用，反正一句话，是内部的因素，顺带跟马来西亚的天气也有关（每次从国内回来的第二天就开始狂长）。

这是一个伴随我多年的烦恼，我的青春都快全部逝去了，可青春痘却丝毫没有减退的迹象，反而随着工作的压力而变本加厉了。我不知道pray for没有痘痘算不算“妄求”，在读ACCA的时候，我自我安慰说，上帝给我痘痘，是为了让我少一些“苍蝇”的烦恼，可老实说，“苍蝇”也没少到哪里去。现在我已经毕业了，需要靠着这张脸来找老公了，可是为什么痘痘还不走呢？这件事情的确让人很frustrated，特别是我很在意某些人对我的看法的时候，这种沮丧真的是把我淹没了。通常情况下，我是不会想到这个烦恼的，照样过我的大条神经的生活。可是当伤口一旦被人触碰到，我就觉得很痛，不知道可以用怎样的方式来排遣这样子的抑郁。No，越抑郁痘痘就越猖狂，让我一头撞在豆腐上死了算了。

我已经很毅然决然的把这件事情写在了我的2012resolution里面，今年之内我一定要解决掉这个问题。工作呀，请你不要给我那么大的压力吧。内分泌呀，请你乖乖的不要失调吧。大姨妈呀，请你准时来准时走不出任何问题吧，我的这张没地方放的老脸就全指望你们了。卖锅的，希望你能满足我这一千零一个的唯一愿望...

第一次怀念学生时代

距离我正式毕业，已经5个月过去了，然而真正开始上班的日子只有不到两个月，在今天，我生平第一次由衷的体会到了怀念学生时代的感觉。

我的工作性质很特别，星期五上半天班，但是周末需要在家自己做报告，拉长补短的还是给你休息两天，可前提是你可以只用半天的时间就做完报告，要不然就会跟我一样的下场。作为年纪最大的应届毕业生，再加上是外国人，再加上是超级像本地人的外国人，我不知道自己是该哭还是该笑。我从来没想过工作其实会那么痛苦，以前读书的时候虽然我的balance sheet也从来不balance，cashflow也从来不tally，可我的ACCA却是一路绿灯高挂，丝毫没有问题，而我也不以为耻反以为荣的自称是“从来不平衡的会计师”。可是，工作是现实的，工作要求你的报告一定要平衡，差额也要差在可承受范围之内。而我这种动辄差个几百万美金的，我自己也知道我会死得很惨。

我从昨天晚上7点开始，认真的端正的坐在桌子前面，比临考复习还要严肃，那该死的东西让我熬到三点半，最终因为实在无望而放弃。而今天早上起来，我毅然决然的放弃了我的马来西亚网球公开赛决赛。像我这么贪玩的人，叫我放弃娱乐项目简直是拿我的小命。我从来没这么绝望过，真的是百分之百的确定，这个东西是在我能力范围之外的，今天又苦战了一个白天，直到后来有了想吐的感觉。我就算今天做不出来会怎样？明天会死么？世界末日就到了么？？？

我不禁回想起学生时代的我，不管大考当前还是怎样，歌照唱，舞照跳，照常到处吃到处玩到处跑。一边打打工赚两个零花，一边翘脚翻几页书，每周按时去保龄球馆ktv房报到，每个学期也照例的pass。外人看来，我是完全无烦恼，也不需要烦什么。那时候我就在想，如果可以一辈子都这样就好了，我没有概念我会多么的想念那段美好的时光，想想每天睡到自然醒，每天抓脑袋看要去哪里找吃的找玩的。人家在办公室里憋着的时候，我到处活蹦乱跳，从最开始的有人监督的情况下，每周出去玩一天，到后来没人监督的时候，每周可能只有一个整天是乖乖在家的，我的自由可以说是被发挥到了极致。可是要知道，野孩子也不可能野一辈子，虽然内心是无比的想逃离，可是迫于无奈，生活给了我们太多的无奈，是由不得我们选择的。只能让我在连续工作7天之后，用最后这个晚上，摸摸自己的电脑，让自己不再有工作的感觉，写点牢骚，无病呻吟几句。

昨日之日我想留，今日之日多烦忧！